Why Fighting Your Anxiety Makes It Worse (And What to Do Instead)

"Just breathe." How many times have you heard that gem when anxiety hits?

Here's the thing—most anxiety advice creates anxiety about having anxiety. We've been taught to wage war against our own nervous system, and frankly, it's exhausting.

Your Inner Smoke Detector Isn't Broken

Think of anxiety as your personal early warning system. Sometimes it goes off when you're just making toast, sometimes there's actual smoke. Either way, ripping out the batteries won't solve anything—it just leaves you defenseless when real fires start.

When we fight anxious feelings, we're essentially telling our brain, "Yes, this IS dangerous! Keep those stress signals coming!" Your amygdala can't tell the difference between actual threats and the threat of feeling uncomfortable.

The Acceptance Revolution

Acceptance isn't waving a white flag. That's resignation, which is totally different. Acceptance means acknowledging what's happening without immediately jumping into crisis mode. You can accept that it's raining without yelling at the clouds—you still grab an umbrella.

Research shows people who learn to coexist with anxiety experience greater relief than those focused on elimination strategies. Fighting anxiety is like trying to put out fire with gasoline.

Making Space for What Is

When anxiety shows up, try shifting from "I am anxious" to "I notice I'm experiencing anxiety." That simple reframe creates breathing room between you and the emotion. You're observing, not drowning.

This doesn't make anxiety comfortable—it just means you're not making it worse through resistance.

Action Steps:

1. Notice and name: Simply observe "I notice I'm feeling anxious" without judgment

2. Get curious: Ask "What is this trying to tell me?" instead of "How do I make this stop?"

3. Create space: Practice the phrase "This feeling is visiting, not moving in"

4. Respond wisely: If there's actionable information, address it; if not, practice self-compassion

5. Release the energy: Use what you were spending on fighting for something that actually matters

What anxious thought have you been battling that might actually be trying to protect you?

Take care of yourselves, dear readers.

Sometimes the most radical self-care is simply making peace with what we're feeling.

Have a good week,

Matt

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